I’m okay.

It’s 12:30 a.m. The kids are in safely, exhaustedly, tucked into bed. The last of the presents have been wrapped and placed under the tree. My husband is on the couch reading and there’s Christmas music softly playing in the background. No television tonight. Just me and my family, right where we should be.

The days leading up to this point have not been easy for me. I have fought and kicked against this holiday the moment Thanksgiving passed. I’ve listed all the reasons why I don’t like it anymore and everything that’s wrong with it. Looking back at my previous posts, I realized just how pouty and selfish I sounded. As usual, I made it all about me. I’m good at that, as my husband will tell you if you give him half a chance. He doesn’t really tell me anymore. He has this ‘look’ that says it all and I’ve been seeing it off and on these last couple of weeks. I have to give him credit though, for not saying anything. He just let me get on my soap box and say my piece, everyday.

Then yesterday happened, and it all changed for me. I immediately got off of my soap box and put it away. I don’t need it anymore. Christmas is not the enemy. I am my own enemy. Of course when I had this light bulb moment I just had to share it with my husband. He listened to me as I talked, but again, he didn’t say a word. He just had ‘that’ look; The ‘look’ that fifteen years ago when we first got married irritated me to no end but now only makes me thankful that he doesn’t speak, but instead just listens and gives me that ‘all knowing’ look. And that’s okay because I know we’re okay. Christmas is okay. Everything is okay. Blessings abound and miracles are everywhere, no matter how big or small. And you know what? I’m going to be okay, too, and that’s a good thing. Merry Christmas everyone…..

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