As most of you mom’s out there with small children know, privacy is a thing of the past. Not even in the bathroom are you allowed alone time. For some reason, my 5 year old always has to ask me something that just can’t wait, right then. Yesterday was no exception. As I was washing my hands, Owen decides to ask me those questions that we will all be asked sooner or later, but hopefully later. My turn was now.
“Why do girls have to sit down to pee?”, he asked. I had a pile of laundry waiting to go in the wash, a load waiting to come out of the dryer and a floor that needed to be vacuumed. Again. I was so not in the mood.
“They just do”. That was simple and basic.
“How do you keep it from flying everywhere?”. He asked this because for some reason when he goes to the bathroom, he has to share it with the walls and floor. This is why, gentlemen, women hate cleaning bathrooms used by boys and men.
“Because I’m sitting down”. Again, basic.
“Wow. That’s not any fun”, he said, walking out to continue whatever it was he was doing.
Later that afternoon, I had to go grocery shopping. I was hoping to go alone. Who would have thought that once you had kids, grocery shopping would become almost zen-like when going alone? But no. As usual, he whined and cried and moaned that he would not survive if I left him behind. This is the norm for my 5 year old. He is a full-on “Momma’s Boy”. Of course, my husband just loves any opportunity he can find to use that fact.
“He needs to go with you. You know he doesn’t like to stay with just me”. All said within earshot of said 5 year old. Translation: I’m not going to deal with him while he cries the whole time your gone. Take him with you. God forbid anything ever happen to me. What would he do then? Probably get a nice-looking, young swedish nanny. Nevermind. I don’t want to go there. Fine. I took him.
The market bakery is all ready for Valentine’s Day. Cookies, cakes, cupcakes…you name it, they had it. Of course upon seeing these, I realize that class parties would soon be happening.
“Do you want cookies to take to your Valentine party this year?”, I asked, forcing myself to continue on pass all the calorie-laden goodies that would just end up on my already too-large behind.
“Sure”, he said, his nose pressed against the glass case encasing all those lovely goodies. We headed out of the bakery and made our way to the registers.
“I know what Valentine’s Day is. It’s the day of true love“, he said in a lowered, I-know-something-you-don’t-know voice. I started to unload the groceries as he continued.
“I have true love with my girlfriend Jordan”, he said proudly, all smiles. He now had everyone’s attention in line.
“Really. Does she know this?”, I asked, amused.
“Yep. I’m going to kiss her than marry her”, he said proudly. People in line started giggling. I, on the other hand, was not liking this at all. This is the second time he’s talked about kissing a girl. My 9 year old never talked like that at age 5 and still thinks girls are gross. Thank God.
“You can’t kiss little girls”, I stated firmly.
“Why not? You kiss papa”, he argued.
“That’s different. We’re grown-ups”, I explained.
I paid for our groceries and we headed for the truck. He didn’t say anything else until the truck was all loaded up and I was buckling him up in his booster seat. He looked like he was going to cry.
“What’s wrong?”, I asked, worried.
“I’m not a grown-up so I can’t kiss you anymore!”. Oh my. Be still my heart.
“Owen, you can kiss momma anytime you want. Little boys are always allowed to kiss their momma’s. Even when you’re a big boy”, I said around the growing lump in my throat. He gave me a big smile and then a sloppy wet kiss.
“Momma, you’re my true love!”, he announced proudly “But Jordan is still my girlfriend”.
I may not be able to get rid of the girlfriend, but as long as I’m his true love, that is just fine by me!