My grandmother is in the hospital again. Her gall bladder is so full of stones that it is cutting off the duct to the liver which in turn has caused a massive infection. Her legs are full of blood clots more than likely caused by the brain surgery she had in February. At 86, to have surgery, she is considered “high risk”. The surgery would have to be invasive to remove the gall bladder, not laparoscopic to destroy the stones. The doctors do not think she would survive surgery. But she’s also in massive pain from the gall bladder and she is on a morphine drip. Without removing it, the infection will kill her. Yes, she came through her brain surgery beautifully, but then she started getting blood clots in her legs. Then she started having little seizures, a common side effect of brain surgery. She has been miserable. She never complains, but when I see her, she tells me she’s tired and she’s don and ready to go. My mom cannot accept this. What child would? I certainly don’t want her to leave us, but I completely understand. Her son died 2 mos. ago, her husband has been gone for 10 years, and she’s lost two of her grandsons. She is tired of out-living everyone. I’m not sure what happens now, but it’s not going to be good or easy on any of us. My job now is to try to prepare my mother who keeps telling me that if she dies, there’s no reason for her to go on. She said this when my brother passed as well, but she’s still here. This is the ‘grown up’ stuff that I knew I would have to deal with sooner or later, but I had hoped for ‘later’. It’s even harder when you have small kids to take care of as well. I’m known as one of the ‘sandwich’ generation, someone who’s taking care of kids and parents while you’re in the middle of both. It’s even harder because even though my mom has a brother, he basically is of no help. He rarely calls and only if she’s on death’s door will he appear. So, it’s just me. Taking care of my mom and my mother and my kids. I know it’s said that “God won’t give us anything we can’t handle”. I just wish he didn’t think I was so good at it that he keeps throwing stuff my way!
The Beginning of the End