Bring It On (The Messengers)

These past 7 days have been some of the hardest days for me. My emotions have been all over the place and go back and forth by the minute. I haven’t felt this way since my brother passed away, yet no one has died, but it sure feels that way.
Last Monday after my grandmother was taken to the hospital, as requested, her son (my uncle) came to be by her side along with my mom and myself. Decisions needed to be made about my grandmother. There is no way my mom can take care of her alone anymore. So, she said with the help of my my uncle, they would look into getting help for her so she wouldn’t have to do it all alone. My unlce apparently had other ideas. It was decided that my grandmother would now be staying with my uncle. My grandmother, who is sharp as a tack and completely aware of everything that is going on, agreed this was probably for the best. She agreed that my mom needed a break and it was getting to hard on her. Logically, I completely understand. Emotionally, I’m a wreck over it. For the past 44 years, I have seen my grandmother everyday, except for my honeymoon and vacations. Now, she would be living a hundred miles away. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of me.
Monday night my grandmother was moved to a convalescent hospital for a week until arrangements could be made. I went and saw her on Friday afternoon when I knew my mom wouldn’t be there. That’s the only time that my grandma will speak truthfully to me. I immediately asked her if this is what she wanted. Tears came to her eyes and she said no, but she was doing it for my mom. I asked her if this was permanent and she said she hoped not and that she wanted to be home for the holidays. She held my hand tightly, but didn’t really say much more. What could I say? I didn’t want to upset her more by telling her how upset I was about this. Sure, I could have pulled the “grandkids” card, saying how upset they would be by her not being here, but that wouldn’t be fair. Yes, we could visit, but it’s not the same. I’m being robbed of my grandmother’s last days and there’s nothing I can do about it.
The night before she left, my mom, kids and myself went to the convalescent hospital to see her one last time. She can’t see anymore so she didn’t know we were there until I called out to her. As soon as she heard me, she started to cry. My mom went over and bent down to hug her and they both cried. My mom has always taken care of someone, everyday of her life. Now, she would be alone with no one to take care of. She doesn’t even have time to prepare herself for it. Earlier that day my uncle called and told my mom that this was permanent and she would not be coming back and to get used to it. My uncle, who rarely saw my grandmother more than twice a year, calls maybe once a month, who told my mom two years ago that he just couldn’t take care of her when my mom begged him for a break for a couple of weeks, swoops in like he’s a super hero to save the day and essentially takes her away from those closest to her.
My grandmother has made it perfectly clear that she is not staying there and will be back. God willing, she will be strong enough to come back for the holidays. It’s not the same with her gone. My mom is not handling this well at all and I worry what may happen to her. It’s so strange to walk in and not see my grandmother sitting there as I have everyday for practically my whole life. I have cried so much during the past four days. Last night, I couldn’t sleep and I came across a show on The Learning Channel called The Messengers“. It’s a reality based show with 10 people from all walks of life that get put into different situations for a day, such as spending the night on skidrow, or working a field with migrant workers to being blind for a day or living in a wheelchair for a day. Then, each one of them has to speak of their experience and each week one person is illiminated until the very last person who will then get a book deal and their own motivational show.
This episode was the one where they spent the day working in the fields. Afterward, the topic that they would have to talk about was ‘struggle’. Let me tell you, this show is amazing and couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I sat there, glued to my television listening intently to each one of these people talk about what struggle meant to them. They were very moving and uplifting at the same time. It made my struggles a little easier to deal with. There were two poeple out of the ten who spoke that really touched me. The first one was given by Cornelius “See” Flowers a poet who was raised by a single mom who was killed in 1994 and the second one was by Robert Rutherford, a pastor in a christian rock band who has 11 children. ( Click on their names to hear their wonderful, motivational talks). Robert’s was titled “bring it on” and now, that’s what I’m saying: BRING IT ON. Sure, my grandmother’s not here, and my mom is struggling without her and so am I. I’m struggling with the fact that she may die before I get to see her again, but you know what? I can handle it. I always do and I always bounce back, as my husband told me tonight. He just gave me that smile he always gives me when he knows nothing is going to keep my down. If you are dealing with struggles or are feeling down or uhappy or sad or whatever it may be, watch this show. Go to the website and learn more about this wonderful show and I promise you, after you watch it, everything will seem a little bit better.

5 Responses to “Bring It On (The Messengers)”

  1. OldOldLady Of The Hills Says:

    I will have to do that Chris…It sounds quite wonderfu and I’m glad you found it helpful…

    I’m so sorry about your Grandma going with your Uncle..(How could he just do that??) But maybe things will work out as they should….I hope so my dear, and I’m glad you are recieving strength from The Messengers and your Husband!

  2. J. Says:

    I’m glad you found some small confort somewhere.
    My heart literally goes out to you hon. What a sad, sad situation.
    Hang in there.

  3. Sarah Says:

    Hey Chris….this is Sarah from Nellos page again 🙂 She forwarded your e-mail to me, but it was right in the middle of some Reunion madness last week and I was getting 50 e-mails a day! I have to dig it out and respond! Sorry about that!

    Anyhoo..I have to tell ya, I am going through a similar situation..not only with my (maternal) grandmother, but also my dad. My mom passes away 5 years ago. The thing is, I’m 27 and a single mom. Life is hard enough!! My dad was living with me up until 2 months ago and it was REALLY HARD. Kinda a long story…but point is, I totally know what you’re going through. Hang in there!! I’m not good with comfort words! sorry..heh. I’ll e-mail ya in a bit!

  4. Tammy Says:

    Your grandma is a selfless, beautiful spirit! I must check this show out…thanks. Hang in there!

  5. Norma Says:

    This is a sad story. I’m surprised how often this happens–that the sib that didn’t provide any care ends up being the one who makes all the final decisions.

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